Our Mother-Daughter Relationship Renewal with Saniya | Inspiring Story #41

Have you ever had a fight with someone you love?  The kind of fight that starts out like the flicker of a lamp and ends up a fire that could burn the whole house down.  A fight that starts so trivial, but escalates fast, threatening to ruin your relationship.

These kind of fights, I believe can ruin a relationship OR,  if we allow, they can be the beginning of a relationship reset.  We can come out of the rubble with a revived, deeper relationship … if we can just get through it, and work it out.    

I experienced this kind of fight with my mother; the person I am closest to in the whole world. The person I can’t imagine living without.   

Our fiery fight started in the heart of London.  It was an argument that would literally end all our arguments, and yet you wouldn’t believe what it started over…

The decision on where we would eat!

Yes! Where we would eat breakfast!    

My mother and I travel as a team.  I am a professional travel blogger.  Mother, Arpna Puri, a successful business woman from New Delhi, India.  My mother has accompanied me on more than twenty trips around the world. 

Wherever we go, we seek out places to  sample the most delicious vegetarian fare. And then I write about our experiences on my travel blog.   My blog is my livelihood. It’s my work, my passion. 

I was very excited about our first trip to London.  Growing up in India, I’d always dreamed of traveling to London.  We had five days of adventure planned. I was bursting with anticipation. So much to explore, so much to experience and so much to write about.  

And best of all, this trip meant five fabulous places to sample breakfast.  I knew the cafes and restaurants I wanted to write about. I had done my research and I was on a mission.    This day, our mission -  find the place called Tibits, a chic self service vegetarian restaurant.

As we walked Oxford Street,  people were everywhere, packing the pavement.  Sirens screamed past. Taxis flew by. Tourists passed-by, entering and existing the trinket stores that lined the street.   We kept walking forward, Tibits, our desired destination (or at least MY desired destination). 

10 minutes passed, 20 minutes passed  and we’re still walking the pavement.  

The flame of excitement starts to smolder

Mum started dragging behind.   She moaned, “Saniya, I’m hungry.  Why do we have to do this? Why can’t we have breakfast at the same place we went yesterday?  It was good, wasn’t it?”

Her earlier excitement had seeped out from her face.  Her smile from yesterday had turned to a hunger frown.  Some may call it a 'hangry' frown.  

I guess it’s a generational thing.  Back when my mother was a girl, they didn’t have people making a living from blogging about their experiences.   But I didn’t think of that. I was annoyed. “Why doesn't she understand?" "Why isn't she as excited as I am?" I thought.  

I kept walking. All the while trying to explain to Mom how important it was for me to find a new place to write about.  The success of my blog depended on it.

I kept dragging her along.  Walking, walking, endless pavement, endless cafes.

Suddenly, Mom stopped still.   She raised her voice and her eyebrows,  “Enough, Saniya. Let’s have breakfast across the road in that cafe and get it over with.”   These were the words I would not hear.  And so, our intolerance of each other's priorities took an ugly turn...  

I’d had enough of her moaning. She, enough of the walking.  She planted her feet to the pavement.   I stared at her in disbelief.  She said, “I don’t want to go anywhere Saniya. Let’s go back to the apartment.”  

I was filled with anger.   She was being so inconsiderate. I’m sure she thought I was being inconsiderate!  But this time there was no reasoning between us. We both stood firm.  

I folded my arms, turned around and stormed away from her, determined to make it to Tibits on my own.  My mother, too turned and walked in the other direction.  Determined, she headed toward the bus stop. 

As I walked,  I started to sob.   The cityscape blurred the tears in my eyes.  I was surrounded by people, but felt so alone.  I replayed the argument over and over in my mind.  

I stopped for a moment and  looked back at Mom. She was standing at the bus stop, right on the edge of the pavement.   She looked so sad. Blank. I had never seen her like that before. We’d never had an argument like that before.       

Nor, had she ever been to London before.  Where would she go? Where would she sleep tonight?  If I don’t turn back now, how will I ever find her in this city?

I wished I could go back in time.  We had prepared for this holiday for so long and this argument was killing me inside.

My mom was about to get on a random bus going to who knows where!   She relied on me for everything. She didn’t even have a key to our apartment.  She didn’t even know where the apartment was. How could I leave her like that? What would she do?   I couldn’t leave her like that.

A breeze brushed against my wet cheeks, drying my tears. The most important relationship in the world to me was at stake.   I owed everything to her, the reason I can travel, the reason I am able to blog, is because of her hard work and sacrifices.  

"I will not write anything, just hell with the article."  I turned back to the bus stop.

Coming Together with a Renewed Spirit of Love

I walked toward her.   We came together, crossed the street and entered a cafe to eat breakfast ... quietly.    Mom looked up at me. She was happy to finally eat, but her eyes were still glossy from our argument,  “I’m so glad you came back Saniya. I don’t know what I was thinking. What if I had boarded that bus? We would have lost each other.”

That thought scared the hell out of me and I broke up again.   The flow of tears, led to a flow of truth and a touch of our hands that meant so much.   We talked more openly than we had ever done before.   We saw how much we cared for each other, how much we meant to each other.   It was a special moment.  A relationship reset. 

Our Mother-Daughter Relationship Deepens

That argument opened up a conversation we'd never had.  It paved the way for our mother-daughter relationship to grow deeper than it had been before.    I learned how much we cared for each other.  I learned not to let anger win over love.   Life is too short.

My mother and I went on to our next planned activity for the day -  the Big Bus Tour. We never fought again … at least not during that London trip!

And you know what ... my five articles became just four.   But who cares!  I realized how much I matter to her, and her to me.  We are a happy travel duo with lots of love for each other.  

Love always has the upper hand over anger. Don't take tomorrow for granted, all you have is NOW!   And in this moment, as you read my story, I ask that you think about that person whom you wish to connect with, that person you fought with years ago, over something you can’t even now remember.  I ask you to reach out and reconnect and start your relationship reset.