My Ted | Story about Adoption Hurt & Healing by Simon Benn | Inspiring Story #102

My Ted | Story about Adoption Hurt & Healing by Simon Benn | Inspiring Story #102

Simon didn't think he had any issue with being adopted.  That was until he found out his childhood teddy bear had been a gift from his birth mother ...  

I never knew I had an issue with being adopted.  

That was until my 40th birthday.  That evening my parents arrived to take my wife and I out for dinner.  In her hands, Mum carried a box of my childhood belongings.  Inside, lay my childhood teddy bear, Ted.

Later in the evening, my Dad told my wife that Ted was a gift from my birth mum. My wife told me.  At the time, I was a little surprised but not particularly bothered.  Adopted at five weeks old, my parents had told me the story with a picture book about a couple who adopted a little boy.  The book sat on my shelf for the whole of my happy childhood.  I had no reason to be bothered about being adopted.

A couple of months later, I told a friend about the incident.  New emotions bubbled up like a dormant volcano now turned active.  I erupted in incandescent rage, “She didn’t f* love me enough to keep me. All I get instead is a f* teddy bear.”   

I had to find a way to deal with this intense anger about being unloved.

I had to find a way to deal with this intense anger about being unloved.

I began my search – moving from business development into personal development, consciousness, and spirituality.  In my search, I read a book about the adoption ‘primal wound’.  At first, I thought the book explained everything.  Adoptees don’t like being rejected. Adoptees don’t like change. Adoptees crave control.  But through my consciousness work, I realised that rather than helping, these beliefs disempowered me. 

Adoption had hurt my feelings; it hadn’t hurt me.

I continued searching for answers.   I tried therapy.  During my first session, a terrifying picture popped into my head. My mother stood outside the therapist’s room. Rejecting me again. My terror turned to anger.  I flushed bright red, then white-hot with rage. I am NOT going to let this fear of rejection run and ruin my life. I’m going to find her, I resolved. 

A couple of years after my rage and resolution to find my mother, I received my adoption file. The file told the story of my adoption complete with letters, forms, and reports. My birth mother had gotten pregnant and her boyfriend wanted nothing to do with us.  

Inside the file I found a letter from her, written three days after she handed me over:

Dear Mrs Bellis,

I was going to buy a teddy bear for David in Liverpool on Friday but because we met a lot of traffic, I didn’t have time. I thought the parents wouldn’t mind if he had a little something from me and was upset when I didn’t get him one.

Please do you think it would be possible to buy him a little one for you to send on to him. I don’t know whether this is highly irregular, but I would like him to have a little something from me. Also thinking that I was giving him a teddy and I didn’t do so make me awful sad and when I see teddies on display as did in Lewis’s on Saturday.

Please may I send you one to give him. Sorry to trouble you.

Yours faithfully

Patricia J Flower

I cried my eyes out.  I pictured my mother crying her eyes out as she wrote that desperate letter. I cried some more.  Feeling her love.  

Through my tears I wondered how I had it so wrong all these years.  I looked across at Ted sitting on my desk.  I saw the important part he’d played in my story.   Ted, once a symbol bringing forth hurt, had now become my symbol of healing.

And not just for me, but many others too.   

After nine years working as a children’s coach, I was inspired to use my story to help those who need it most.  I never want anybody else to feel as I did.  I developed a specialised program coaching adoptive parents on how to empower their children to T.H.R.I.V.E.  I also coach adult adoptees who seek healing around their adoption story. 

Now, My Ted's story continues to ripple out further,  helping  many other adoptees THRIVE.  

Meet Simon Benn

Simon Benn is an adoptee who coaches adoptees so they can T.H.R.I.V.E. and shows adopters how to empower their children to T.H.R.I.V.E. too.

Find out more here:

READ ANOTHER STORY |  Found in a trash-can in the backstreets of South Korea, then adopted out to an American family where she faced abuse ...

to becoming an international empowerment coach and motivational speaker; Sasha takes you on a powerful journey of reframing her adoption story. 

>> Click here to read

Share the Inspiration
  • ChaRasing says:

    This is a very heartfelt story. I have no idea of how emotional adoption can get. This is also an awareness to all adoptees and adopting family that they are not alone.

  • This is an interesting story from the viewpoint of the child that given up. I continue to wonder about our processes in the area of adoption as we move forward. Currently there are a lot of agencies that have “repeat mothers” that adopt children in order to get money from the transaction. I can not help but think how this will affect the future generations even more, as it has this gentleman. While I know the families that have been given the blessing of a child to love are so grateful, with the open adoption policies now in place I think knowing that they were purchased or sold, will have an long lasting effects down the road.

    • Karletta Marie says:

      Hi Jennifer … that’s a very interesting comment. I didn’t know about the “repeat mothers”. My mother was adopted and so was my Aunt, my brother-in-law and a few friends I know. Each experience has been different. I’d be interested in know the author’s view on this – he is from the UK. Thank you for your thoughtful comment.

  • Brit says:

    Wow, this was heartbreaking but also insightful. Thanks for sharing your experience with us.

  • Viano says:

    I love how he still holds that teddy dearly. The truth is that in many cases, mothers give up their children because they don’t have enough resources to care for them as they would love to. Though, it may feel wrong — I think that shows another aspect of love from their perspective. He thought she hated him but that letter proved him wrong. Today, he has a better understanding and he’s sharing it. Nice post.

  • Carol Graham says:

    I recently published my story about our adoptive son who has been estranged from us for over 10 years. We live in the same town and he has nine children (five of them from a second marriage). He walked away from us because we were a reminder that he was adopted — and rejected by his own mother. We have no contact and our hearts break when we see him in our small town.

    • Karletta Marie says:

      Carol, my heart breaks for you too. I do hope one day he will find healing. Love to you.

  • Heena says:

    Wow, such a touching story, Never ever thought how would one feel about adoption. Nicely narrated.

  • Sally says:

    I don’t know what it is like to have those kinds of feelings; however, we often don’t think about what may be (or have been) going on in some else’s life. There is a saying and I believe it to be very true …. “never judge a person until you walk a thousand miles in their shoes.” We may not change our minds and agree with them, but usually, we have an understanding of why.

  • Windy says:

    I love this story. The line that said adoption hurt my feelings, it didn’t hurt me was so powerful

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    karletta marie - daily inspired life

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    Hi, I'm karletta marie.

    JOIN and get your free digital magazine with inspiring stories straight to your inbox PLUS tools to start creating your beautiful life.