Janine never imagined using 3 simple words "I love you" could influence her family to change. That is until she meets a special friend, who sends Janine on a love crusade that ripples out, creating a profound generational change.
At my first big job in New York, I met a friend named Lori. She had a big personality, a large group of friends, and she was always doing something fun. We connected instantly. From the very beginning, I noticed that whenever Lori said goodbye to her parents or friends - either on the phone or in person, they would say “I love you” to each other. Not mushy or over the top, just matter of fact. Like I just want you to know this because it’s true.
This took me totally by surprise. It was like they were speaking a foreign language!
I was in my early 20s and couldn’t remember a single time when someone other than a boyfriend said “I love you” to me. Not my parents. Not my eleven siblings. Not my grandparents or aunts or uncles. No one! Not that my parents didn’t love me. I know they did. They showed their love in the way they provided for us, but the actual words were just not part of their vocabulary. I thought speaking love was only for romantic relationships.
I was soon swept up in the language and Lori was the first friend I would say, “I love you” to. It felt so freeing! I had been hidden behind a cloak of secrecy… don’t speak the love… don’t look it directly in the eye…
Eventually I started saying "I love you" to my closest friends before hanging up the phone. At first it was a little awkward… then it wasn’t. It took a little time, but it soon became the way we end a conversation no matter what. As I met new friends in my 20s, I saw that this was not so unusual. Everyone was saying it to the people they loved! Where had these people been all my life?!
I thought, well, if I’m saying it to my friends, why do I feel like I can’t say I love you to my family? To my own mother? (My dad had passed by then).
I was afraid at first to say it. What if they don’t say it back? What if it’s weird? Oh, this is going to be so uncomfortable. What if it's repelled by the individual coats of armour we have built around ourselves?
I needed to find out.
I had been hidden behind a cloak of secrecy… don’t speak the love… don’t look it directly in the eye…
So, I went on a love crusade with my family. I started saying it when we wrapped a conversation. In person and on the phone.
It was so interesting. Some people wouldn’t say anything back which was fine. Some hung up quickly. Some just said “yup”. One brother chuckled uncomfortably and said it back. And my mom said OK.
Progress! Lol
I didn’t let up. I said it regardless of the response. It was my truth and that’s all that mattered. I just wanted them to know.
Some siblings wanted to chat about this new habit, so we did. We talked about why this was a challenge now that we were adults. And it made it easier to change.
About two years later, we were all in Pennsylvania for my brother’s wedding weekend. After the brunch the next morning I would be leaving on my own to drive to another state to visit a friend. As I said goodbye to my mom after this fun, family-filled weekend, I said, “I love you” as I hugged her goodbye.
As we released our embrace, my mother held my hands tightly in hers and looked me in the eye apologetically, tinged with helplessness.
“I don’t know why I can’t say it back," she said in an almost whisper, "I just didn’t grow up that way.”
I smiled softly as I held her hands and said “Neither did I.”
And in that moment, we both knew it would be different from then on. And it was.
And in that moment, we both knew it would be different from then on. And it was.
Not just for me and my mom, but for the whole family. It took a little practice but soon we realized it was weird NOT to say “I love you” when we hung up the phone or left each other. Adults saying they love each other. It was a radical journey we went on together.
One small step. A pivot. A practice. A habit. A truth. A word.
Led to a ripple. A connection. And a generational change.
Meet Janine Durso
Hi, I'm Janine, The Belief Coach. I'm on a mission to help women bust their limiting beliefs so they can create the life they want. You might think it's time, money, your circumstances, or even other people, that are holding you back. But no, it all boils down to the beliefs you hold about yourself and what's possible. You're just not in the practice of identifying and questioning them, and deciding new beliefs.
That's where your power is.
I didn't always realize this, though. As a former advertising executive in NYC, I was caught up in the hustle and bustle of success, feeling overwhelmed and stressed. I felt stuck and powerless, blaming others for my circumstances.
But now, as a Belief Coach, I teach the tools that turned it all around. It's not just about surviving anymore, it's about thriving and creating a life I love.
Now it's your turn to get unstuck and create more of what you want in life.
Let’s connect and bust your limiting beliefs together.
janinedurso.com
Instagram: @janinedursocoaching
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The story I needed this very minute feeling sorry for myself that I am not married to a man who can say I Love You and I find I can’t say it to him either. I do say it easily to my kids and some friends and to other men in my life. I needed a hug, I needed a word and now I think I just have to take them and not wait for them to be offered. Thank you. I think I love you
Phyllis, I am giving you a big hug right now! I am so glad that this story spoke to you at a time you needed it. I recently heard a talk about connectedness and it said that you must give away that which you need most. When we want love, we must give it. And whether we get anything back or not is not the goal. To give love fills us up with love. I thought that was so beautiful because then feeling love is totally available to us at any time. No need to wait. You are love. And you are loved. 💝 Thank you for sharing. xo
So glad this story came up for you at the right time Phyllis. Sending you big hugs xoxo
Thank you for sharing this inspiring story. I do realize that “love” need to be said in words not just actions.
Thank you Evelyn. So many ways to say and show love! It’s a beautiful thing… 💝
That’s so true xo
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Thank you for sharing this beautiful story
So glad you liked it, thank you Kimmy! 💝
Aw thank you for sharing this beautiful story on opening up and saying you love someone. Whether romantic or not it is important to express this!
So glad you related to this story. Yes it’s so important to have that love shared. It literally changes the world! 💝
Beautiful post! As a child I always told my mom I loved her. Then one day it seemed like we didn’t say it anymore… As I matured and realized she was getting older I made my self get in the habit of saying it again!
I’m not sure why those three words can be also hard to say to family. But you are correct, they are freeing and amazing!
Thank you for sharing that Mary. Yes I don’t know why it’s so hard to say to family. Vulnerability is uncomfortable sometimes. So glad you were able to start saying it again to your mom! What a gift! 💝
Janine, those ripples rise everyone around you. I am so blessed to be your friend. Love this gem and I love you
Tammy! that is a beautiful image you put in my mind. I am blessed to know you as well. I love you! 💝
I miss my mum every day and love is what keeps me carry on with my life in her honour…until we meet again.
On the other hand, we should say the word when we really mean it. Spread love ❤
Spreading love is a beautiful way to honor your mum. 💝✨
I have 3 boys. Not a day passed by that I don’t tell them I love you. It is our everyday language. It is one of the sweetest words a son/daughter can tell his parents.
That is so beautiful! I am the same with my daughter now. I cannot imagine a day without telling her! 💝
This was so refreshing to read. Sometimes I have a hard time saying I love you to my adult family members but will say it willingly to the kids. Keep spreading love.
Windy I was the same way for a while. But then those kids grow up to be adults! lol Glad you are a love rippler! 💝
Saying I love you isn’t simple. It’s so refreshing to read about your journey of just saying I love you because your openness to that will enable others to also share.
Thank you Idara. I am glad this resonated with you. I agree that sometimes it isn’t simple but often the anticipation of it is harder than just saying it. Keep spreading your love! 💝
It is really hard to say “I love you”. Even to couples but I believe it is a way for us to be free from all the emotions inside us. God is love. Love is an antidote to all hatred and bitterness which we always see in the world.
Ahhh yes Evelyn. Love is exactly what the world needs right this minute and forever. Keep spreading your love! 💝
Some people have a hard time expressing themselves and their feelings. Love is a strong feeling. It’s still great to have that reassurance from time to time.
It feels good to love and be loved, doesn’t it?! Thank you for sharing, Mufidah!💝
I love this article Karletta! I am the one who says “I love you’ to family and friends and the responses can vary. We can only be accountable for ourself! Keep spreading love wherever you go!
I love this Lisa! So true that we can only be responsible for ourselves. And when we give love without condition or expectation, that is the most beautiful thing! 💝